Public Transportation

imagine there is a fire in your house, and you have a backpack in front of you. start grabbing everything that you see and tossing it in there b/c there is a FIRE!!! and everything will burn up soon. I can imagine that you cram this baby with your most precious items. Now think back to that first thing you threw in there, your chap stick we’ll say… it’s at the bottom, being smothered and smooshed by everything else you pushed and shoved into that bag. the cap probably even snapped off…

now imagine I’m the chapstick, and the backpack is the N train. That was me yesterday.

The subways in this city are ridiculous. People try to push & prod their way onto already full subway cars and we’re shipped off like cattle. you wouldn’t believe how some people try to get on. My favorite by far however is the backward ass push. They turn their back side to you and push it out and then shake their tush in, hoping that people will get out of the way since it’s a BUTT coming at them instead of hands and faces. & most of the time this technique works. i run from foreign butts, so it works with me. I am waiting though for a time when someone smacks that ass. b/c once those doors close… you are stuck there w/ that person. How fun would that be? & most likely b/c this person is usually a female… since she came in ass-backwards, she can’t even face her attacker. She’ll have to look half sideways over her shoulder to yell at the slapper, who will (I hope) simply giggle and taunt her, b/c she can’t get to him. that would be fun. You also have the people who try to jam themselves in that only fit 1/2 way and the doors slam on them and they give this “what the hell” look… I saw a girl last week that got stuck, like a bug. The doors didn’t open up right away and she was 1/2 in and 1/2 out squirming around and screeching. It was funny. People are funny. it gets me through the day.

Now onto people who are getting OFF the train… this is a mind boggler to me also. There are people who feel the need to get up and start moseying their way to the doors when the train first enters the station. Now, the train is busy, you can’t move around easily and I am holding on for dear life. But behind me I hear “excuse me… EXCUSE ME” several times. So i think to myself, do i keep holding on while the train is moving? or do i let go and let this silly person attempt to push past me and ultimately we both fall over when the train hits the breaks. clearly this is an easy answer. what is everyone’s hurry though? why can’t you wait 5 more seconds – has anyone EVER not gotten off at the stop they wanted? NO. The train isn’t going to secretly hold you captive and laugh while it rolls away to Brooklyn or something. I get so frustrated. & at this point, i simply act like i cant hear those people or I turn and snarl & bark like a crazy person… THIS actually works well. if you want someone to leave you alone in NYC, act insane. people don’t want to mess w/ crazy. and on the trains, it’s crazy central. I could honestly go on about the subway for hours. I have seen men steal seats from pregnant ladies, old ladies spit in faces of young artists, complete and total almost naked make outs, pole dancing, mariachi bands, a blind pianist (gotta give it to that guy), kids selling candy “not for charity but for ourselves”, break dancers, opera singers, cat fights with hair pulling, stinky homeless people sleeping, crazy people with Tourette’s yelling that they will kill me and skin me alive, people pissing, transvestites, rats & cats, and well… the list goes on & on & on…

One Comment Add yours

  1. Ashley Moser says:

    LMAO this is exactly everything I thought the subway would be and definitely the reason mom would rather cab it or walk EVERYWHERE! lol good post

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