what they DON’T tell you about being married

so everybody always wants you to think that their little lives are perfect. i mean lets be honest, we only talk/post/tweet/blog about the good stuff. the stuff you want everyone to know about and go “oooooh ahhhhh” about. but this is the real world, not a fairy tale {even though sometimes my husband can be prince charming} most of the time, he is just my husband, which is enough. he isn’t perfect, but lets face it neither am i. we are perfect for each other. we are a complex duo of complete opposites that somehow just works. i can’t quite explain to you how i feel connected to him but he truly is like my other half, and i would be lost without him. if you have that in your life you understand, and if you don’t then i pray someday you do. it is an overwhelming sense of being comfortable that you can’t find anywhere else. but back to the beginning, there are lots of things people DON’T tell you about marriage, and i think that everyone should know… these are the things i have learned in this first year.

1.) people do not change. do not think that your husband will miraculously start taking out the garbage every day if he never has before.

2.) what you do not like about each other now, you will only dislike more after marriage. the things that irritate you about each other, will only be magnified after marriage. make sure you are okay with each other and each others faults because well… see #1

3.) the simple things become the big things. leaving a note for your spouse in the morning or texting i love you can change your day. being appreciated becomes synonymous with being loved. because being married is more than just loving each other.

4.) you will have pizza nights. you won’t cook dinner together every night and feed each other seductively. you will eat pizza in your pajamas sitting on the couch together

5.) girls fart {and poop}.. okay boys it’s true, i’m sorry to rain on your parade, but you need to know this before marriage. we are even sometimes, i hate to say it, grosser than you boys. be prepared

6.) your spouse will not wake up with minty breath. morning breath exists, so does bad hair & no makeup… and it’s coming {beware}

7.) men are bad at keeping calendars. you will have to remind your husband 10,000 times to do something, or that something is coming up. and every time he might act like it’s the first he’s heard of it. marriage makes you more patient, or it makes your hair fall out… choose wisely

8.) when you’re going to complain about your husband, do it to his mother and not your own. his mother will always forgive him, yours never will. men… just don’t complain about your wives.

9.) your spouse will take your opinion & the things that you say at face value. it will hurt them more, make them laugh more, or inspire them more than anyone else in the world. my husband’s opinion trumps everyone else’s & his words can cut deeper. be careful what you say to each other. forever is a very long time, build each other up don’t tear each other down.

10.) you will become comfortable with each other on an uncomfortable level. i have been known to go to the bathroom with the door open {i mean i live here too!} and now brian has that to deal with.

11.) the lovey dovey texts and conversation will be more minimal & become more real. for this one i have an example. on valentines day this past year jackie & i went to dinner because the boys had to work. we ordered a ridiculously large smores dessert to share & then took a picture of each other in front of it & texted it to them. delia responded “you have the prettiest valentine’s date in the whole world” {a perfect we’ve been dating 4 months comment} – brian’s response back was “you’re gonna be hurting for squirting” {the perfect we are married & have been together forever response}

12.) your friends will be come his friends & vice versa. if this hasn’t happened before marriage it certainly will after. you will search out couple friends, and then you will judge them and deem them worthy or not of your presence

13.) cuddle sleeping will stop. you will want your space. you will want to starfish in bed and stretch your legs out and you will start to push him from the bed just so you can have more to yourself, and then you will steal the covers. you will not sleep with your head on his shoulder anymore, so that he breathes his bad breath directly into your face & snores on you. you put up with that long enough, you baited him, you are free to sleep on your side of the bed.

14.) family is forever. your in-laws aren’t going anywhere, get used to them, embrace them. because your spouse will always be number 1 in their eyes. accept it

15.) you will FIGHT. & over a range of thing but mostly family, money and household chores. in-laws/family intrusion & opinions, how to save money and how to spend it {whether or not that 5th fantasy football league is necessary}, who is in charge of doing what and when {or who leaves the closet door open and towels on the floor}… these are things you probably didn’t fight about before marriage… but you will. if someone says they don’t fight with their spouse, they are lying

16.) you will sometimes go to bed mad. that old saying stay up and fight… well it’s exhausting! sometimes it really is better to sleep on it than to run your mouth when you’re upset. i have no filter when i am mad, i know this about myself. sleep on it, and calm down

17.) you will learn about the dutch oven {google it} & this goes along with boys will be boys {forever}

18.) never be afraid to apologize first {my all time favorite wedding advice} its not about winning

as the years roll onward i’m sure i will accumulate more anecdotes & advice but for now these are the things that i have learned from being married. and even after all of this, i love my husband more than i love ice cream {which is an awful lot} he still finds a way to make me smile everyday & gives me a sense of purpose that i didn’t have before i met him. i love our family. i can’t wait for the years to come… the good the bad & even the ugly!

{have something to add… please comment and pass it on!}

6 Comments Add yours

  1. LariLynn says:

    You are so keen so early in the game. Brian is a lucky guy! Good work, Kelly!

  2. Julie says:

    This is so wise for someone who’s only been married for one year. I’ve been married for three years and most of this has happened, though I’m sure the rest of it will happen over the next few years. This post is so true and funny (though I probably only think it’s funny because I’ve lived it) – keep up the good work! Definitely sharing this.

  3. Pamela says:

    My sister, Bellebottoms, shared this with me. Having been married 7 years, most of it without kids (we have a 5 month old), I can say this is BRILLIANT and beautiful. All the reasons and more for why I love being married. You nailed it! If I can figure out how to share this…I will . šŸ™‚

  4. OMG. LOVE love LOVE this post!!! seriously! especially since i’ll be in that boat in a month!!! aughhhhh!

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