with brian back to work now also, the reality has finally hit me. like a brick. we have to leave her with a stranger. someone who doesn’t love her, or know her smiles. she won’t know that if you tickle her belly she will open her mouth and make a smacking sound like a kiss. she won’t know that her favorite book is wherever you are. she won’t know if you give her butterfly kisses she will giggle. she won’t know the sounds and the songs that make her happy. she just won’t know. and it breaks my heart that i won’t be there to give her those things. when she cries will she look for me to come and not understand why i never do? does she know that i sit at my desk and choke back tears thinking of these things? i am not sure how this will ever get easier although everyone tells me that it will. i don’t know that i will ever not think like this, even though brian tells me I have to. he is so calm and i wish i could be more like him. so far i can’t seem to be.
Philippians 4:6-7 do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.