only in new york

this morning when i was cramming myself into the cattle car that we call the subway the man in front of me bent over to tie his shoe. now first of all, there is no room for this subway twerking. when i say cattle car, i mean it. no personal space, everybody is in everybody’s business, we’re all touching butts & boobs scrambling for a pole or door or piece of something to hold onto. and this guy just bends down, butts up, to tie his shoe. he doesn’t lower himself all the way down in a crouching position, but he bends at the waist. a bend & snap (without the snap) if you will. & of course the car starts to move and he is jostled all around, sending his butt on a roller coaster ride knocking into everyone around him. as we are all exchanging looks with one another, half laughing, wondering when he is going to come up for air… i shit you not… he FARTS!!! butts up, fart. a good one. in the middle of us, directed mainly at me, since his pooper was pointed in my direction. & there was not a chance in the world that i could hold in my laughter. i started hysterically laughing like a hyena & when he finally came up he acted as if nothing happened. no shame, no smirk. total oblivion. i love starting my friday mornings with a good hearty giggle, so thank you random butt guy on the subway & thank you for it not smelling!! (or else this would have been much angrier post)


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