i’m hardly someone who has any business giving advice. i don’t think of myself as expert on really anything. but i do have a few things i have picked up over the years from people more wise than myself. and from these i have held onto some, altered some & formed my own opinions on some.
my advice for marriage. take a look at the partner you’ve chosen. look closely. gather all his (or her) faults. their imperfections. the things you like & don’t like about them. and now magnify them. stop & think about that . . .
if you still find them worthy of marrying, then you’ve found a great partner. because what i can tell you is people do not change. you will not change that person looking back at you. you have to choose to love them, baggage & all. if you take them under the premise that marriage will change them, or kids will change them, you’ll be chasing something your whole life that you won’t ever quite catch up to. make sure you can live in the present, and be happy there. because no one can predict your future.
and marriages aren’t easy. families aren’t easy. but the most important thing to remember is . . . they are worth it. even if you find yourself sitting on the bathroom floor crying because you’re not sure how much more you can handle. they are worth it. and they are good. they are everything. i would re-choose this everytime. even if i knew all the struggles i would face ahead of time. i would do it all over again.
and i know someone is out there like me. who thinks everybody else just really seems to have it all together. but nobody talks about the bad stuff. nobody posts their problems to facebook. nobody tweets that they are hanging on by a thread. instagram posts don’t reflect misfortune. let me tell you though, we all struggle. everyone struggles. and it’s how you react to that struggle that defines you. how you adapt to situations you had never processed before. that you didn’t even know existed. how you learn new things everyday. how you grow. and there will be things you encouter you don’t like. there will be moments when you have to make choices. for yourself and for your family. and those choices will affect not only you anymore, but a collective us. and that us relies on you, to put it first. to nurture it. because us is so very, very fragile. our collectiveness is only tied together by strings of trust & respect. but as strings are plucked away, so is the strength of us. so i can’t stress enough, take care of your us. cradle it. love it. affirm it. every day. because as trying as the us can sometimes be, it is absolutely everything.
i would simply fall apart without us
so i choose love
i choose it over & over again
(and thank you to Sophie for our pictures in astoria park)