The past 6 months have been the hardest of my life, for so many different reasons. The saying “you don’t know, till you know” is true. I knew that having a second child would make life more difficult. I knew that there would be times when I would struggle – I just didn’t realize how much I would struggle. I underestimated how easily I would adapt, because I’m good at adapting, I really am. I didn’t realize that what worked for Madison might not work for Emma. I didn’t realize how hard it would be on the other relationships in my life either; my family, my friends, my marriage. To those I have seemed distant towards lately, I’m sorry. I hope that you realize it isn’t my intention. All of my effort and time and energy has been going into my two little wild things at home. At times I am discouraged by this – like I said it hasn’t been easy for me. But they need me. They need me more than you do. That might sound selfish and please don’t take that to mean that I won’t be there for you, because I will. I always am. I will drop everything and run to you if you need me… and that’s forever. But for now my reality revolves around them and my time is consumed by them. I pray that everyone understands this. And realizes that some day I will feel like my old self again – but that some day is not today. I pray that within the walls of my own home love can live without resentment. That the vows we took can and will stand strong. That in good times and bad times means something. And that we hold faithfulness above all. I pray that I don’t become passive in my responsibilities as a daughter, granddaughter, sister and aunt. These roles are so important to me. Not only because I want my relationships to be successful but because I am teaching two little humans about how important family is as well. I want them to see that their role is crucial. I want them to love others – more than themselves. I want them to learn that what sometimes feels like sacrifice will often prove itself to be the greatest investment. Life is about relationships. Treasure them. And I wish them luck in the balancing act.
So while I may seem to be on hiatus lately – please know that I am trying. That life has been difficult lately – and most likely I need you – more than I let on.